Buddha once said that it is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
What does conquer mean? Again conquer is a verb. It could mean:
1. To acquire by force of arms; to win in war.
2. To overcome by force or to subdue.
3. To gain, to win or obtain by personal effort.
4. To gain a victory over, surmount, master, overcome.
In our situation, people with Idiopathic Anaphylaxis, life as we all know is a daily battle. We can never forecast what will set us off. For me it is salicylates and chemicals. There are all sorts of chemicals! Even our body produces chemicals!!! So how do I define what sets me off and what does not? One day I do not react to the smell of cabbage being cooked (and that is organic cabbage, mind you) and the next round, I am feeling sick and nauseated like a pregnant woman pumped up with Duphaston (hormones) and a migraine from hell which makes me feel like my head is going to erupt like Mount St. Helen. And that is only cabbage! And I am supposed to conquer myself??!! I can't even conquer the pain and my bowels!
I think conquering can be equated to the daily trudge up the steep Idiopathic Anaphylaxis mountain. You claw your way up even though you know your hands are at the risk of frostbite. Reaching the peak is your ultimate goal and bleeding and broken fingers is not going to stop you from your arduous journey.
I think conquering can be equated to getting on a horse for the first time and learning to ride with the flow even though you know that your behind is going to be so sore the next day to the point that you can hardly walk. Reaching your destination is the ultimate goal in your life.
I think conquering can be equated to fighting IA and moving on attack after attack. It would mean that I have surmounted my struggles.
I think conquering can be equated to taking breaks or having rest stops to refuel, recharge and regain my energy and fighting spirit.
I think conquering can be equated to disallowing fear to rule my life and dictate my motives and actions.
I think conquering can be equated to living my life to the best that I can even with my setbacks and even to the point of having the quality of life.
And I think conquering can be equated to living my life in a happy, peaceful, grateful and serene state as much as possible to the end of my days.
Hence, by conquering oneself, I, you and we would have won a thousand battles.
35 months ago was
the day I met Death.
