A Conversation With Doctor Zombie

Let me make myself clear before I begin today's post. I HATE hospitals. Totally loathe it. But then when I'm sick, that's the place I head to. I have no choice.

So after collapsing in bed at 10pm on Monday night, I woke up feeling better on Tuesday morning. The flu-ey-ness wasn't there. The raw throat was gone and the sickly feeling had disappeared. It is wonderful what a good night sleep can do to our body.

And then, I noticed the rash that had broken out on my right leg had gotten worse and it had spread overnight. And it was stinging. I have had shingles and I know how painful shingles can be. This wasn't shingles pain. But I became very worried that I had developed something else which could be passed to Joel (and my brother who is still currently very weak and tired from last week's influenza B attack).

Thus I headed to the hospital at 2 pm yesterday to see a physician. I wanted to find out what on earth I had.

So Mr. Physician took a look at my records online and saw that I had a bacterial AND influenza B infection 10 days ago and was given Zithromax, Tamilfu and anti-histamines. I told him that I did not take the Tamiflu as I did not know whether I would react in an anaphylactic reaction or not. That was when the 'conversation' became 'interesting'.

Note: Words in bold, in red and in brackets are MY THOUGHTS!

Mr. Physician: What are you allergic to, exactly?

Me: Salicylates and a .... (I got cut off before I could even finish answering his question) (WHY THE HELL DID HE EVEN BOTHER TO ASK ME?)

Mr. P: Oh, aspirin. Then why can't you take Tamiflu? Tamiflu is not aspirin, you know.

Me: (DUH! As if I can't tell the difference!) I have Idiopathic Anaphylaxis and do not know which medicines can kill me or help/save me.

Mr. P: What can you NOT take? (And gives me the look as if I have grown two devil's horns)

Me: (Actually, I cannot take idiotic doctors who give me idiotic looks as if I haven't the faintest idea of what I'm sensitive to!) Painkillers, NSAIDs, Paracetamol, Bactrim, tests which use dyes, food with colouring, preservative, flavoring, additives, MSG.

Mr. P: (In an appalled tone) WHAT DO YOU EAT THEN???!!!

Me: (My diet consists of brainless doctors. And there are plenty to go around in the Klang Valley alone!) I make, bake, cook everything that I eat. I eat everything fresh.

Mr. P: WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT??!! What quality of life do you have?!!

Me: (My life definitely has a HIGHER quality than yours obviously.) I have adapted, evolved and I am already used to it. I have lived like this for FOUR years now!

Mr. P: (Sputters and at a loss for words) But to reach to the point of anaphylaxis is SERIOUS!!

Me: (YAWN!!! Blah blah blah.... I am so tempted to smack this idiot on his forehead. As if I don't know that anaphylaxis is a serious thing. I almost died. You mean that is not serious???) Of course it is serious! I carry Epi-Pens with me. I have even used them. TWICE!!!

Mr. P: OOHHHH! You know about Epi-Pens! Where did you get yours? Malaysia no longer sells Epi-Pens!

Me: (BREAKS INTO A THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE!!! BRAVO!! 10 POINTS FOR MR. P FOR KNOWING THAT MALAYSIA NO LONGER SELLS EPI-PENS!!!!! CLAPS HANDS ECSTATICALLY! OF COURSE I KNOW ABOUT EPI-PENS! I HAD A.N.A.P.H.Y.L.A.X.I.S!! DUH!!!!!!!!) I order my Epi-Pens through hospitals. I got mine from Sime Darby. But the procedures takes about 2 months or so as they have to place an order directly to US.

Mr. P: Is there a cure for this thing that you have?

Me: (I wouldn't be sitting down here telling you that I have lived with this for FOUR YEARS if there is a cure for this thing that I have, now would I??) NOPE.

Mr. P: How did this happen to you? What happened that you developed this? Were you like this as a child?

Me: (Now you're using your brain!) No, I did not have this as a child. I had a normal childhood. I started being sensitive to Panadols, NSAIDs, painkillers one year after giving birth to my son. I had a very problematic pregnancy and was on hormones for 5 months as I had 3 near miscarriages. Most of the problems that I have today with my health started after giving birth to my son.

Mr. P: I have never come across someone like you!

Me: (But I've across MANY doctors like YOU! What's NEW??? I hear this all the time.) OK, so what is this rash on my leg? Is is a viral thing or something else?

Mr. P: It should not be dengue rash because your fever has broken for about 3 days now.

Me: What do you think this is? I am worried that it is something viral and that it could spread to my son and brother. (Oh GOD! He hasn't the faintest idea of what I have on my leg!) It does not look like shingles, does it?

Mr. P: Shingles is painful. Is this rash painful?

Me: This rash hurts but it does not hurt like shingles.

Mr. P: How do you know that shingles hurt?

Me: I have had shingles before! (DUH!!!!!!!!!!)

Mr. P: How OLD are you? Shingles usually strike the elderly.

Me: (I AM 120 years old!!!!!! AND I WILL STILL OUTLIVE YOU!) I am 36 this year. I had shingles when I was about 18 or so. Back then, I could never get the chicken pox even though I went near people with the virus. Even when my brother caught it real bad, I did not get it. And when I finally got it, I did not even know I had it because it was so minimal that I thought I had sand fly bites. I only knew that I had chicken pox when my GP noticed that I had shingles on my collar bone and that was only 4 bubbles. But it hurt like hell. So that is how I know that shingles hurt.

Mr. P: Did your doctor give you Acyclovir when you had the shingles back then?

Me: No.

Mr. P: Then what treatment did your doctor give you? Why did she not treat you with an anti-viral? Were you allergic back then?

Me: (HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW WHY SHE DID NOT GIVE ME ACYCLOVIR??! AND ARE YOU DEAF? DID YOU NOT HEAR THAT I WASN'T ALLERGIC BACK THEN? WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE TREATED WITH ANTI-VIRAL MEDS? CAN'T OUR BODY FIGHT IT?) No treatment whatsoever...................

Mr. P: Ok, if the rash becomes worse or it becomes bubble-like (as in shingles-like or chicken pox-like), come back and we'll run some blood tests and start you on Acyclovir if it is shingles.

Me: (WTF! I just told you that I am diagnosed as Idiopathic Anaphylaxis and you want to prescribe me Acyclovir. Even if you're the last doctor on earth, you won't see me 100 yards from your clinic. Thanks but no thanks!)

And before I walked out of Mr. P's clinic, I saw this frozen on his laptop screen. It was Plants vs. Zombies. No wonder he behaved in such a manner. The zombies have simply eaten his brains! HAH!

________________________________________________________________

Before I left the hospital, I went to the other side to look for Joel's pediatrician. I basically did NOT trust Mr. P's diagnosis (whatever that was). Dr. Pediatrician said that my immune system is currently very weak and I am picking up bacteria like a vacuum cleaner picking up lint. I must have scratched myself and somehow the follicles got infected with some bacteria. Fucicort twice a day will do the trick for about a week. And she told me to stay at home during this whole week and not go anywhere until I am strengthened.

And the Fucicort seems to be working!

Part of the rash. 

Understanding People with Idiopathic Anaphylaxis for Dummies! (Part Two)

1. You mean you cannot travel overseas? Don't you just wish you could travel?

2. So where are you going for this round of school holidays?
And this was after I said that I can't and don't travel!

3. Don't you feel bored with living the life you have?
I feel bored because I have to have conversations with dummies! Dear God, please send people with brains over! Thank you very much. AMEN!

4. Don't you miss working and having a NORMAL life?
I AM working at home, you idiot. I am a stay-at-home mother with no live-in maid who has to cook and wash and drive and look after my family. If that is not working, gosh, I don't what that is inside your skull. And my life is very NORMAL, thank you very much! I think you are not normal because your mouth works faster than your brain!

5. This is an excerpt of a conversation that I had:
Stranger: You mean you only have one child? When are you going to have another one since your son is seven already?
Me: No, I can't. I have a medical condition, which my gynecologist said, no, I should not.
Stranger: WHAT?! You mean you can't have another child? You'd better give your husband another child before he finds another woman to give him one!
Me: If he does, I'll feed him to the dogs! Anyway, hubby is cool with one child.
Stranger: Blah, blah, blah. blah.......
Me: Walks away....

6. This is another excerpt of another conversation:
Friend: You should trust and believe in God for another child. Just like Abraham and Sarah. They had Isaac when they were really old!
Me: ...........
(By the way, if YOU are reading this, the people in the Old Testament tend to live to be hundreds of years old. Child bearing age must have stretched into the hundreds too. Do people live to be hundreds of years old today???)

7. Don't you just wish you did not have this?
Oh yes, just like how I wish people had more common sense and used their brains to think before they opened their mouth. Now let me go find my little-young-man so that I can have some intelligent conversation.

8. What sin have you committed? Have you repented of all your sins? Why don't you just hurry up and believe in God's healing and get healed quickly?
Dear God, I repent for talking to this idiot. And also please hurry up and shut all the idiots up. Amen.

9. God, if I were you, I wish I were dead.
Well, if I were you, I too would wish I was dead. But then I am not you, so NO!

10. Your life is so pitiful.
Open that mouth of yours one more time and I will make sure your mouth will LOOK pitiful!

People, please think before you open your mouth to talk to people like us. Of course we know that the life that we have is restrictive and not normal, as you put it. But then again, who defines what normal is? We are living to the best that we can. If you have nothing nice to say, just stay mum and no one will say that you are dumb. Silence is golden.

Just imagine yourself, with a face full of acne and then people come up to you and say, 'OMG! You have ACNE! Don't you wish you had smooth, baby skin? Don't you wish you did not have this? What have you done to be struck with such a pitiful ailment?! You mean you cannot use any products on your skin? If I were you I wish I were dead! Have you asked God for healing?! Don't you wish you had a normal face?'

You get my drift. I rest my case.