8 Years

Damn.

In a blink of an eye, 8 years have passed by.

Someone asked me this question recently, "How come you're not well after 8 years? Shouldn't you be well by now? I mean, you have been on your salicylate-free-diet for 8 years now!"

If I could answer that question, I would be the world's leading geneticist!

First of all, I am not only salicylate sensitive. I am also chemically sensitive. And I'm sure most of us know how many gazillion types of chemicals there are in this world. I mean some have names longer than a railway track.

Don't believe me?

Read below.

The chemical name for Titin has 189,819 letters! This is only PART of its name;
Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylalanyl...isoleucine.

Even with our smartest brains around on this earth, we humans are still unable to test for every sickness that exists today. Thus, the term idiopathic!

"Doctor, I have this pain in my body which does not go away!"
And after months of tests which do not yield any results that pinpoint the source of the pain, the doctor will say "It's idiopathic!"

"Doctor, I can't seem to overcome this severe weakness in my immune system."
Test and test and test for months.
Doctor comes to the conclusion; "It's idiopathic!"

And then "Idiopathic" will slowly evolve to "You're stressed!"

Me: Of course I am stressed! YOU stress me out doctor! You don't know nothing and yet you prescribe me medicines like candies on Halloween night! Hell, you even sound like Nightmare on Elm Street.

Doctor: "Eat this medicine and you'll be well! See me in two weeks."

And the bi-weekly appointments will repeat themself with even more candies being given out as though they were free.

So how come I am not HEALED after 8 years?

These are what I can come up with:

1. I don't know. I am not a doctor. My doctor doesn't even know what's wrong with me.

2. I don't freaking know. All I know is that SHIT HAPPENS.

3. I really don't know and I really don't care.

4. I can only come up with one word: IDIOPATHIC.

Happy 8th Idiopathic year to ME!

Haha....

Tips For the Salicylate Sensitive

1. Remove the aloe-vera strips on shaving blades.

2. Peel all outer leaves of leafy vegetables.

3. Peel all skin from fruits.

4. Keep salicylate levels in body to a minimum.

5. Have fresh and unprocessed food everyday!

Happy 2nd Bloggersary!

Another year has passed.

'The Right to be Alive' is now officially 2 years old.

2 years old. The age where a toddler begins to understand 'now', 'later' and 'a few minutes'. It is a stage where the toddler is able to follow simple instructions, realizes that she/he is a separate individual, where temper tantrums manifest itself quite often, and is also able to command about 50 words.

Well, 'The Right to be Alive' certainly does understand the meaning of 'now' and 'later'. I mean, the slow climb to better health did not magically appear overnight. Neither did it come 'later'. It happened 'VERY, VERY, VERY much later!' And it's not even back to 100% normal. It's like about 40%. So I guess this 2-year-old toddler GETS the meaning of now, later and a few minutes.

And don't get me started on the 'temper tantrums'. I think it can be likened to 'menopausal craziness'! Anyway, I think this toddler has learned to follow simple instructions such as 'cannot eat or smell', 'must sleep early', 'sleep is thy vitamin', 'you must eat even if you don't feel like eating' and etc etc etc....

50 words?!! I think this toddler surpasses 50 words. Hell, this toddler can even swear like a sailor...Oh shit!

A very happy 2nd birthday to 'The Right to be Alive'! You are indeed alive! Alive with much frustrations and joy, sadness and happiness, health and sickness, peace and burdens, insomnia and deep-sleeps, calm and tsunami-filled days and the-never-ending fight to attain the finish line in one piece.

Happy 1st Bloggersary!

It has been 1 year since I started this blog. Time truly flies.

This blog was the thing that brought me out of the deepest period of depression that I was in. I could express my deepest emotions and feelings which I could not vocalize. This blog has helped me to find people like me all cross the world which I cannot not do physically.

I have met so many wonderful people who are in the same boat as I am in. I have learnt so much from them. I have been encouraged much by them. I have grown so much where this area of my life is concerned. And yet after battling this condition for 42 months, I am nowhere near being healed. Yes, I have grown stronger. But I still react to salicylate in foods at different points in life, chemicals in daily products which have smells/scents. Even certain foods. But life goes on.

This year has been an amazing journey for me. Traveling approximately 50 kilometers everyday from Monday to Friday is no small feat for someone like me. But it is totally worth it as we have seen Joel grown in courage, confidence and boldness. Though he is afraid, he still manages to overcome his obstacles. Yes, he takes more time than other children. But he is an overcomer. Thus, that 50 kilometers a day for 5days a week, 4 weeks a month that I go through  is worth it. And Joel could not have done it without the help of the school's principal, Joel's teachers and counsellors. 

I have grown all the more sensitive where smells are concerned. I have even become sensitive to sanitary pads. And that has caused much misery, pain and frustration for me. For 5 months in a row, I have had infections after every period. The pain in the bladder was just too excruciating. The pain drained all my energy. And when the infections finally stopped, my period decided not to stop for 2 weeks. And when it did stop, I was exhausted. And it came again in 2 weeks.

My low blood pressure at times has given me hard times. And it has prevented me from driving as I could only lie in bed waiting for the plunge to be over. 

There have been times where I just crash in front of the TV till the wee hours of the morning and cannot get up to go to bed. It is as if I have been weighed down by shackles, strapped with an anchor the size of Titanic and thrown into the sea. The will to go on just sometimes get sapped out of me and I feel so trapped. At times, the gnawing desperation gets me. And when I sleep, I sleep in a phantom void and wake up more exhausted than ever. And when I do finally sleep, I have the same recurring nightmares. 

I'm exhausted at this point. Exhausted of fighting. Of not giving up. I had thought that being in the battlefield everyday would have somehow numbed my senses. But yet, my skin crawl every time I hear the sound of the battle horn. The weariness of putting on the armour, of arming myself. It came to a point where the armour had become me. I had become a warrior and nothing more. I lost my 'human' side. Somewhere along the line, other than fighting, I have forgotten how to live. I have somehow 'lost' myself. I had forgotten how to feel.

Thus, I became trapped in quicksand with everything being swallowed by the sand except my head. 

The thing about being trapped in quicksand is that the more you struggle, the faster you will sink. The trick is to stop flapping and flailing one's arms and legs. 

Therefore, I will stop flapping and flailing my arms and just relax and breathe. And by doing so, my body will float and once again, I will have found myself and be ready for another round of journey in the right to be alive. 

Not all that glitters is good. Not all rejoicing is real. Not all triumphs are triumphant. Not all pain is detrimental to one's soul. Not all quicksand will drown you. And many times, death does not kill you. 

Therefore, here's a very happy 1st blogger-sary to 'The Right to be Alive'. You deserve the birthday cake, candle, presents and the birthday wish. 

41 Months

Time sure flies. It has been 41 months since the day I met Death. As I am writing this, reminiscing all that has happened, all that I have gone through, the places in Life that I have gone through during these 41 months, I feel satiated and a sense of accomplishment.

WHAT?!
You exclaim.

Am I healed?
No.

Have I overcome the biggest obstacle of my life: to live in perfect health?
No.

Can I smell, eat and use anything that I fancy?
No.

Can I drop everything and go anywhere in a heartbeat?
No.

Can I live life as 'normal' people do?
No.

So how can I feel satiated and have a sense of accomplishment?

I can feel satiated because I fought the fight with all of me. I did not go into battle with a half-hearted, half-prepared Evelyn. I did not give up, although I fell down many times. I did not mop in self-pity. I made sure I got up after every fall. I climbed back up the mountain of Salicylates-and-Chemicals after sliding down a millionth time. I got up again and again and again and again AND again. And the 'again and again' is never ending.

And I have started to see a glimmer of hope.

My body started healing in different ways.

My eyesight has improved.

I have been able to take two different types of biscuits and a type of organic flakes. And they are not made by ME!!!! I bought them of the shelves of supermarkets!

I have traveled for the first time on a plane in a very, very long time to another country.

I have pushed myself beyond the boundaries of the life of a salicylate-chemical-sensitive person.

I drive a minimum of 180km every week.

I am able to eat food with salicylates in small amounts.

And that, is a great accomplishment for this warrior!

Just as our national badminton shuttler did not win the gold medal in last night's Olympic 2012 badminton competition, he is a winner indeed even with the silver medal. A champion. A glorified fighter. Because he fought all the way to the end without giving up. He gave his very best. He gave his all. And that makes him a winner!

My battle is far from over. My struggles are far from being over. But at where I am now, I can say that I have fought with all of my heart, with all of my might, with all of me. And that makes me a winner. And thus, I can feel satiated and say that I have accomplished much.


'I shall not die of a cold.  I shall die of having lived.' - Willa Cather

Salicylate Part 2 - Salicylate in Everyday Products

Salicylic Acid is sometimes labeled as beta hydroxy acid (BHA). It can be obtained from the bark of willow trees.

In 1989, Salicylic Acid was also isolated from the perennial herb Meadowsweet by German researchers.

There are some researchers who believe that salicylate is an essential micronutrient in the human diet. They call it the 'Vitamin S'.

Salicylic Acid is a monohydroxybenzoic acid. It is a type of phenolic acid and a beta hydroxy acid. Phenolic acid is a class of compounds grouped together due to their similar chemical structure. In the world of cosmetics and beauty products, salicylic acid is labelled as beta hydroxy acid.

The chemical structure of Salicylic acid

Salicylic Acid is used in plants' organic synthesis and it functions as a plant hormone. The salts and esters of Salicylic Acid are known as salicylates.

Below is a list of the salts of Salicylic Acid:

1. Calcium Salicylate
2. Magnesium Salicylate
3. MEA-Salicylate
4. Potassium Salicylate
5. Sodium Salicylate
6. TEA-Salicylate

Below is a list of the esters of Salicylic Acid:

1. Butyloctyl Salicylate
2. C12-15 Alkyl Salicylate
3. Capryolyl Salicylic Acid
4. Hexyldecyl Salicylate
5. Isocetyl Salicylate
6. Isodecyl Salicylate
7. Ethylhexyl Salicylate
8. Methyl Salicylate
9. Myristyl Salicylate
10. Tridecyl Salicylate

Salicylic Acid, its salts and esters have many functions and these ingredients may be used in moisturizers, skin cleansing products, shampoo, skin care, hair care, suntan and sunscreen products, mouthwashes and dentifrices.

Here are some of the uses of Salicylic Acid, its salts and esters.

1. Calcium Salicylate
This is used as a preservative.

2. Magnesium Salicylate
Magnesium Salicylate is a common analgesic and NSAID. It is used to treat muscular pain. It is also used to treat headaches, general back pain and certain joint pains like arthritis.

3. MEA-Salicylate
MEA-Salicylate is used as a preservative in cosmetic products.

4. Potassium Salicylate
This is used as a cosmetic biocide. This means that it helps to cleanse the skin or to prevent ordour by destroying or inhibiting the growth of microorganisms.

5. Sodium Salicylate
This is used as a denaturant and as a preservative.

6. TEA-Salicylate & Ethylhexyl Salicylate
This is used as a sunscreen agent (absorbs, reflect or scatter UV rays) and an ultraviolet light absorber (protects cosmetic products from deterioration).

7. Butyloctyl Salicylate, C12-15 Alkyl Salicylate, Capryolyl Salicylic Acid, Hexyldecyl Salicylate, Isocetyl Salicylate, Isodecyl Salicylate & Tridecyl Salicylate
These are used as skin conditioning agents. They either act as lubricants on the skin surface which cause the skin to look smooth and soft. They also can help the skin stay hydrated by drawing moisture from the surrounding air. They also enhance the appearance of dry or damaged skin by reducing flaking and restoring suppleness. And they can slow down the loss of water from the skin by forming a barrier on the skin's surface.

8. Methyl Salicylate
This is used as an external analgesic. This is applied to the skin to relieve pain. This is also used as an ingredient to impart flavor or taste to a product. It is also used as a substance to impart an ordour to a product. Methyl Salicylate is one of several antiseptic ingredients in Listerine mouthwash by Johnson and Johnson company.

9. Salicylic Acid
This is used as an anti-acne agent, anti-dandruff agent, corn/callus/wart remover, skin exfoliant, hair conditioning agent, preservative for cosmetic products, and skin conditioning agent.


Many months ago, a lady wrote to me to share with me about her daughter who is also salicylate sensitive. And she is a chemist! Here is the link to her blog. Hopefully her blog can shed more light on salicylate sensitivity!

S is for Salicylate!