29 months. That’s roughly 870 days. A total of 20,880 hours.
Which is equivalent to 1, 252, 800 minutes or 75, 168, 000 seconds. Time which
is enough to have 3 babies and yet have an extra 2 months. In 29 months, a baby
would have learned to eat, smile, turn-over, crawl, walk, run, talk, hum, sing
and do a multitude of tasks. For me, 29 months has been a journey of waking up
everyday wondering whether it would be my last, whether some chemical would
trigger another episode from hell, whether my body would overload and go into
overdrive or silence in my head, bowels and senses. 29 months of taking one day
at a time. 29 months of pushing my body daily to overcome this condition. 29
months of roller coaster rides. 29 months of wondering why I was spared from
death to face so many challenges everyday.
These 29 months can be likened to being enrolled in the
school of hard knocks. It’s like standing, getting slammed by a bullet train,
getting up again and standing up and trying to be strong again. And then the
cycle repeats itself. It’s like
the scene from Matrix where Neo fought with Agent Smith in the underground
train station. One can never know when or the direction of the next blow or
kick is coming from or what ‘form’ or ‘person’ Agent Smith will take. Or when
the attacks are going to cease or escalate. It’s a continuous fight everyday. I
just can’t wait for the day where I am strong enough that when the attacks
come, all I have to do is to just raise my palm and the bullets will stop in
mid-air and drop to the ground. And all the attacks of Agent Smith will be
futile and I can overcome and destroy ‘my Agent Smith’.
In these 29 months, I have learned how to survive in a
chemical world when it was chemicals that almost killed me. I have fought and
lost a lot of battles. I have gone through a lot pain, frustrations, anger,
denial, defeat and depression. I have asked myself countless times, ‘Am I a
failure?’ ‘What kind of life am I
living?’ ‘What’s the point of cheating death and living in pain?’ And then one
day it struck me. Who said that people like me who struggle with life are
failures? And then I thought of
the people who fight for their lives daily like me but who are worse off than
me. People with incurable diseases. The girl who is allergic to water. Or the
boy who is allergic to air and who has to live in a bubble for the rest of his
life. And the girl who goes into anaphylactic shock when exposed to cold or
cool temperature. These are people who live victoriously even in their imperfect
circumstances. These are the people who persevere to be a shining light in this
world even though their lives are engulfed in darkness many times.
People in general tend to applaud for the people who
overcome their hurdles triumphantly. We tend to not give credit to those who
are still in the midst of fighting their battles. I beg to differ. I think
people who are in the midst of fighting their battles, who persevere even when
they are down trodden, who refuse to let the darkness blind them are to be
applauded as winners. They are the champions my friends. Why? It’s because they
refuse to back down from the fight. They refuse to wallow in self-pity. They go
on day to day ‘living’ their lives. And by living, it’s not living by waking
up, going through the motions of the daily routines and then going to bed and
repeating the whole cycle the next day and the day after that. They live their
lives everyday not knowing whether there will be a tomorrow. And they make an
impact with their lives EVERYDAY. They shine like a beacon. They affect others
to live their lives to the fullest. They encourage, motivate and help others to
‘LIVE’ when they themselves struggle with the simplest thing in life.
Michael J. Fox is one of the winners whom I applaud. He
was such a talented and brilliant actor. And to be struck with Parkinson’s
disease at such a young age and at the peak of his career must have been a
terrible blow for him. But yet today, he thanks Parkinson’s for saving his
life, as it was a turn-around-point for him. His life was spiraling down with
his drinking addiction. And when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s he drank
even harder and fell into depression and it affected his marriage and his
relationship with his eldest son. He said that it was during a lucid moment
that he realized that his life was in his own hands and thus turned himself
around. He said, ‘‘In fact, Parkinson’s has made me a better person.
A better husband, father and overall human being. Life delivered me a
catastrophe, but I found a richness of soul. I owe it to Parkinson’s, no doubt
about that.”[1] And today he continuously contributes to the research of Parkinson’s and
continues to encourage fellow patients even though his disease has progressed.
And to me, this man is a winner.
Another person whom I applaud is Christopher Reeve. Yes, the original
Superman who wore his undies on the outside. Paralyzed after a riding accident,
the man who once ‘flew’ high up in the sky became a quadriplegic. The accident
had separated his head from his spine. He fell into depression, contemplated
with suicide, and went through operations to re-attach his spine to his head,
and painful rehabilitation. Though he could not walk ever again, he was a
winner because he spent his remaining years of his life helping and encouraging
patients who were in the same situation as him. Though he never walked again,
he regained back some motor function, and was able to sense hot and
cold temperatures on his body. And that was impossible for someone in his
situation. He also battled allergies and asthma since childhood. And he reacted
severely to the many medications that he had to take after the accident. In
Kessler, he tried a drug named Sygen, which was theorized to help reduce damage
to the spinal cord. The drug caused him to go into anaphylactic shock and his
heart stopped. He believed he had an out-of-body experience and remembered
saying, "I'm sorry, but I have to go now", during the event. In his
autobiography, he wrote, "and then I left my body. I was up on the
ceiling...I looked down and saw my body stretched out on the bed, not moving,
while everybody—there were 15 or 20 people, the doctors, the EMTs, the
nurses—was working on me. The noise and commotion grew quieter as though
someone were gradually turning down the volume." After receiving a large
dose of epinephrine, he woke up and was able to stabilize later that night.[2]
Though he died at the age of 52 and did not walk again, he was a winner because
of the decision to live life at its fullest even in his despairing and
depressing condition.
For me, though I’ve been hit, smacked, smashed, knocked down
continuously in this month of August, I hope that I will rise above my
challenges and setbacks and be a winner even in my losses.
We Are The Champions – Queen
I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through
We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting ‘till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the world
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose
We are the champions, my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the world
[1] http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1326832/Michael-J-Fox-Parkinsons-saved-life-better-man.html#ixzz1UpIwuSnZ
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Reeve
perhaps u shld add "you raise me up" as another anthem? those before you have encouraged & motivated you. i tink datz wat d song is about?
ReplyDeleteThe encouragement and support that has been given cannot be contained in any song. They have been amazing and I thank them with every fibre and atom of my being. With all of my heart. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnother great article. Love how u made references to a movie & some movie stars. This song is dedicated to u.
ReplyDeleteWhen you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never ever walk alone
Thank you Tammie for the encouragement! Much love and hugs! :)
ReplyDelete