Dear God

Dear God,

How are you feeling today? Hope that you're feeling good today. Me? Well, I'm sure you know that things have not been very well of late. Although life is now bearable with a double dose of Xyzal, two months of  continuos attack can be very taxing for one's body, not to mention the soul and mind.

I know that there are people out there who are worse off than me and that there are people better off than me. But I am not happy at where I am. 

I want to be able to go out on a whim and to not worry and having to rush home after a certain time because I do not have anything to eat. I want to have days where when I don't feel like cooking, I am able to go to the coffee shop down the road  to buy a packet of economy rice and just enjoy. I'd want to travel to countries that I have never been before. I would like to eat Char Kuay Teow with all the delicious sauces and ingredients. I would like to pig out on Spaghetti Bolognese and Hawaiian Delight Pizza and not react. I would like to able to go to the toilets out there without running out of the place the moment I step in and having to hold my pee looking for another toilet because the previous one reeked with bleach, Dettol and air-freshener. I would like to live a life where I do not need to freak out when 'smells' waft over to my air-space.

That being said, I would like to thank you for giving me such great parents, though I've scared the shit out of them many times! Thank you for my hubby who helped me out with the house chores, and in taking on my load when I was totally out of action. Thank you for my only sibling who helped in whatever way that he could. And thank you for my son who at six years old is more mature than a 10 year old kid. He helps me all the time and gives me non-stop Herculean-strength hugs and tells me he loves me frequently everyday.

I also would like to thank you for the friends who have been supporting, encouraging and pushing me to go on. Their messages, e-mails and SMS-es have greatly encouraged me and kept me going on when difficult times came.

So God, here's what I want. I want my life back. I won't say that I have not learnt anything during this 30 months. In fact I've learned far more than I've learned in my entire life. Christmas is coming, so I'm asking you in advance for my 'gift'. Perfect health with no meds, no need to carry Epi-Pens, steroids, meds, no need to wear a Medic Alert bracelet or run from smells and can-eat-and-use anything and everything with no reaction whatsoever.

I thank you in advance for my 'gift' and thank you for not stopping me abruptly like some of the GP doctors who asked me in an irritated tone, 'So what is it that you want?!' I'm grateful for your time and in letting me rant out my frustrations.

Forever Grateful,
Girl, Alive