The Perseverance of a Lifetime

These six weeks have been the the most fully utilized holiday that I have had since the anaphylaxis attack 33 months ago which had totally changed my life 180 degrees.

What did I do, you asked? I did what I have been doing all these 33 months which is fighting the good fight of IA. The difference? I went ahead and walked in the disgustingly smelly, gooey and slippery mud. Though I have been trudging in the mire all this while, this round I made sure I wore boots that were knee-high and a mud-proof coat and I walked through the mud unsullied. And I walked on. On and on and on and on. Of course I had mud slung onto parts of my face that were exposed. But this time, I protected my eyes with goggles. My head with a cap. And my face with masks. Tons of masks. 

And what did I do during these 6 weeks? I went out! I met up with friends whom I have not seen in a decade. I practiced driving in the blinding storm to my son's new school. I made sure I got used to driving in all sorts of weather and at all sorts of time of the day. I made new types of food that I have not eaten in these 33 months. I started adjusting my waking up times to be earlier bit by bit as I would need to be up at 5am when school starts. I had holiday projects with the little young man. I cleared the garden. I fell sick. And I had two near-anaphylaxis attacks. But I refused to wallow in depression. I took my anti-histamines and made sure life went on. And whatever methods that did not work, I threw it out of the window and applied a new one. With no self-condemnation that I failed. With no self-kicking or cursing myself that I failed. Because in life, as long as we do not give up, we do not fail even if we fall trying. And I can proudly say today that I tried. I did fall. But I got up again. And at a faster pace this time. And the getting up was much easier. And in all that I did during these six weeks, the little young man was with me. In this persevering journey of mine.

And so as I am writing this, the Joel of today compared to six weeks ago has grown enormously and tremendously. He has become such a confident little boy. He is no longer afraid of of new situations or people like he used to be. And even if he was afraid, he did not show it and he could even stay in that situation for hours, enjoying himself and having fun. He became bold. We no longer have to have a tug of war where going out is concerned. In all those months of depression this year, I became a recluse, hiding like a hermit in the house. And Joel picked up this behavior from me. It was a struggle to bring him out for an outing as he would want to 'stay in the house forever' as he puts it. Yup, he picked up depression from his mother. Going out to the garden was fine. But an outing to the mall, to meet people, was a HUGE struggle. He was petrified of people. He hated to leave the house, which had become his sanctuary, when in fact there was nothing for him to hide from in the first place. Today, he is a totally different person. And I am screaming 'Hallelujah' at this amazing transformation that I see in him.

Like I wrote in one of my previous posts, I am in this race where I constantly have to jump over hurdles after hurdles after hurdles. And at many, many times, I thought I would have crashed into the hurdles and be permanently disabled in my soul as a result of the crash. But it is a miracle that I somehow not only managed to survive but to also have a clean jump. And the more amazing part is that, the little young man at the age of six, managed to clear the hurdles with me and jumps with joy that I had made it through. And it is so rewarding to see him grow as a person although his mother has failed numerous times in so many areas.

So in one week's time, the both of us will be on our new journey. This journey begins in a new year, a new environment, meeting new people, facing new challenges and new adventures. A good friend of mine asked me to whether I am ready for this new phase. Am I ready? Then I asked myself, 'Will I ever be ready?' We can prepare ourselves till the moon becomes blue and until the cows come home and yet we would only know whether we are ready when we are thrown into that situation. And so yes, I have sharpened my sword, strengthened my armour, fed my body, soul, spirit and mind. So yes, hopefully I will be ready for the battles, adventures, journey and to continue on with the perseverance of a lifetime.

So as we move on to a new year, a new phase, let's all persevere on in our lives. Let's move on to greener pastures and to the land of milk and honey. What say you?





33 months ago was:
The Day I Met Death