The 3rd Year

Today is the 3rd anniversary. 2nd March 2009 was when it all started. Exactly 36 months ago was the day I met Death.

Am I at a better place? Is my health better? Am I getting better?

I AM at a better place. My health is SOMEWHAT better. I am in the slow process of getting better.

I am exhausted though. I so need a break. I need a break from life. From fighting. From pressing on every day. I feel like running away from all the battles that I face everyday.

This week was terrible. I was exposed to the smell of mushrooms on Tuesday night and I had hell during the middle of the night.The best part was I could not consume my usual combating-duo as I am on the road everyday. The moment I take Xyzal and Zrytec together, that is the end to my sanity and concentration. I cannot even walk down the staircase without seeing triple of one step. I can be saying a sentence and before I am even done with it, I have forgotten what I am actually saying.

So I gritted my teeth and bore the pain and drove. I threw my lunch away on Wednesday as I could feel it coming back up before I could even swallow it. The pain was so severe that it was as though I had those massive drills which are used in mines drilling in my head. I seriously wanted to die.

So today is Friday and I am exhausted. Hubby is not around and I feel like a volcano undersea at the brink of an eruption and that could cause a tsunami. I have not done the marketing. I have bed sheets waiting to be washed. My vegetables are ripened in the garden and yet I don't have the time to harvest them. I have errands to run. I have a lingering migraine which cannot be extinguished by medications because I have to drive. The insides of my ears feel as though they are stuffed with golf balls. And I have not been sleeping well since the attack on Tuesday night. I am E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D. Seriously, extremely, terribly exhausted. And crappy. And cranky. Nope, make that bloody cranky. I can eat people's heads at this point. I am a T-Rex!

But looking back at these 3 years, I am glad that I have my life and I am in one piece, though at this point I am exhausted. I am attempting to move on. And so is Joel. It is a relapse for him too whenever I have a relapse. The question, 'Will you die mommie?' will always be asked whenever I have an attack.

Happy 3rd anniversary to myself. Because I am still alive.