Wednesday, 5 June 2013

A Plateaued State

I think I've hit a plateau. Or rather plateaued.

Plateaued where my endurance and strength to keep on going is concerned.

I'm seriously E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D.

Maybe it's because of the mothball attack/exposure. And also because of the pre-menopause period where the hormones are causing the periods to play hide-and-seek with me. And the irritation that is constantly gnawing on the insides like a trapped animal clawing, trying to find a way out.

I am just so very tired. I'm seriously so, very tired.

And sometimes I wonder why do I even bother.

And that smiling face leaps to my mind. His face lighting up behind my irises.

It's because of the little young man. And so I continue to plod on.

I trudge on.

With my eyes closed, with my arms flailing and with my mind in shut-down mode.

And move on in search for the next oasis.


  1. That's not a plateau, it's a dive! My latest attempt at finding a doctor was, as expected, useless, but she did think my fatigue and pain was caused by hormones, so it may be. She wanted me to take hormone replacement drugs to "test" the theory although she did say they might make all my symptoms worse. NO WAY.

    Does your community spray herbicides and pesticides all over? Mine does. Every year at this time I start getting really, really tired...exhausted and I've figured it was allergies or something. Changing my diet helped a lot, but now I'm wondering if it's all the herbicides. Of course our seasons and weather patterns are different over here in the states as we are in the middle of spring/beginning of summer when weeds are growing and everyone panics because they THINK weeds are dangerous. The herbicides are more dangerous. Every time I walk down by the park I feel very tired a few hours later. Lots of spraying at the park.

    Are there any patterns to your fatigue - certain times of the day that are worse? Certain days of the week? Could it be chemicals in the water? Do you feel better after you sleep or no change? Does exercise help? I know that sounds crazy, but with some conditions exercise actually helps with fatigue.

    I find at the beginning of the month I'm more tired and I wonder if it's the water treatments. It used to be at the end of the month and I did find out it corresponded to the water treatments. I figured they changed their schedules.

    Who's a mystery and doctors are no help.

    Take care! Keep fighting!

    1. Neighbours tell the gardeners to spray everything with herbicides and pesticides. It's like a norm. Even the grass and the plants and shrubs and whatever that is green and alive gets sprayed. I feel TIRED/EXHAUSTED/FATIGUE most of the time. I have had this ever since I became salicylate sensitive. It started after the anaphylaxis attack. I am wondering whether this is a norm with people like us or is it in MY MIND! I am ALWAYS tired! WHY???? I am eating a healthy diet. I am sleeping. I am on my feet everyday. So what the hell am I doing wrong????

  2. If it's just gotten worse after the mothball attack, it's gotta be that. You just have to try to detox. Drink lots of water, take some hot baths to sweat it out, eat as much natural fiber as possible (fruits and veggies), and fresh air if possible.

    1. I'm having another migraine attack as I am typing this....

  3. Whenever you have a reaction and described yourself as seriously exhausted and don't know why you even bother etc, etc..... My heart will sink and grow cold with fear.

    I will die a thousand death with the drowning fear of losing you and the fear of our little young man losing his precious mum! His one and only life line, the light of his life, his everything and no one can ever replace the big spot that you have in his heart.

    I pray with all my heart that God will continue to strengthen you, me and all of us as we walk with you in your journey to complete recovery.

    Love you sweetheart.........NEVER GIVE UP! AND DON't EVER GIVE UP!

    Love, hugs and kisses from all 5 of us......<3

  4. Evelyn,
    I so hear you on this one. I feel the same. I am about to be tested for my hormone levels. I am pretty sure I am in a peri-menapausal state. I could really relate to your description of the clawing inside wanting to get out. I go on for my daughter as well. My sweet 9 year old needs me so much. But it is only me here for her and I am overwhelmed and oh, so tired. I am reaching, always reaching. I can not wait for this summer to begin so I can let out a sigh and rest a little, pause, and just be able to stop and breathe a bit.

    1. Yes, our children keeps us going!

    2. I have no kids. I keep going because I don't want to die. Even when I feel like I want to die, my humanity just keeps me fighting.