A Setback

Sleep for me was still  a bit disruptive. I think I was too exhausted. I thought I had slept through the night and had woken up at 5am until I saw that the time was only 1.10am!!! This phase will definitely need some time getting used to. Not only for the little young man, but also for the mommie. The night before was worse. I woke up at an interval of every two hours.

Joel is worse off today compared to yesterday. He was extremely clingy, very emotional and very fragile emotionally. He cried a lot and begged me to stay with him. He broke down many times today. He told me that he wants to be with me forever. And that he wants me around even when he grows old. This new chapter of our lives will definitely take more time than I had initially thought. But despite of his fear, he was still very brave. He could think and answer the teachers' questions. He participated in the class discussions. He walked to the cafeteria with his classmates without me. He asked the teacher's permission to go to the toilet and went by himself. I taught him how to lock and unlock the numeric lock for his locker and he could do it very well. I was observing him without him being aware of my presence. So the little young man is extremely brave despite of his fear. And I am very proud of him. It was during moments where I have to leave his side that he panics. His class teacher told me that he asked whether I was ok and whether I was still in school when he could not see me.

I am hiding in the admin office as usual as I am writing this post. I have written to the principal and assistant principal asking for more time and they have given me permission to hang around longer than is allowed. The teachers and people who work here have been very helpful and understanding. I am PATIENTLY waiting for Joel to overcome his fear and insecurities. I am very tired today and it is showing as the principal said that I look exhausted. I can't wait for Saturday. I want to sleep.


34 months ago was
The Day I Met Death