How can my life be 'perfect' when I have to fight Idiopathic Anaphylaxis every single day? And now I don't even know what the trigger is! I have been eating fish for 35 months and then WHAM!!! out of the blue, I get a near-anaphylaxis attack after consuming fish which I have been doing so every week. It was supposed to be salicylates. Then it became chemicals. And then now FISH??!! WTH??!!
How can my life be 'perfect' when I have a son at the age of seven who still asks me every single day about death though it has been 35 months? His seven-year-old mind has been seared with death ever since my near-death experience. And he is afraid of loosing his mother and everyone else who is dear to him.
How can my life be 'perfect' when I am constantly running away from people who reek with perfume, places that reek with fragrances/chemicals and even my own house when the neighbour's cooking or detergent wafts over??
How can my life be 'perfect' when I can count the types of food which I am able to consume with 10 fingers and still have some left-over fingers?
How can my life be 'perfect' when I have a hormone problem which plagues me every month and the gynecologist said that the only way to rectify this is to have synthetic hormone replacement? And did I forget to mention that I have to be in the hospital for one week and be placed on high alert?! And there is a possibility of me reacting after that one week.
How can my life be 'perfect' when I cannot even plan my life for 2 bloody days ahead??!! Make that one day.
How can my life be 'perfect' when I do not have 'perfect health'?
How can my life be 'perfect' when I can't even blow my top (as my immunologist said that the stress would lower my immune system and thus cause me to be susceptible to even more anaphylactic attacks)! You mean I can't scream and swear??!! Never mind I will cuss and swear with my pen. Ooops! I mean with my keyboard.
Shall I go on? Or do you still deem my life to be 'PURR-FECT'??!! Just because you can't deal with your own insecurities and setbacks, it does not give you the right to judge and to tell me in dripping sarcasm that my life is 'perfect'.
Now let me tell you why my life is 'perfect' since you insist on it being so.
My life is 'perfect' because I choose to fight for it every single day. Or on some days every second.
My life is 'perfect' because I am grateful for what I still have.
My life is 'perfect' because I refuse to be bullied in life and choose to stand on my ground whether people like it or not.
My life is 'perfect' because I refuse to compromise my principles.
My life is 'perfect' because I have my family and good friends.
My life is 'perfect' because I believe in equality and in being fair. I do not believe in being shortchanged in life.
My life is 'perfect' because I choose to be happy.
My life is 'perfect' because I refuse to wallow in depression.
My life is 'perfect' because I refuse to be a failure.
My life is 'perfect' because I choose to embrace the storms in life with courage.
My life is 'perfect' because I have inner-peace. And THAT cannot be bought.
And my life is 'perfect' because I am imperfect.
So the next time you decide to have snide remarks about my life being 'perfect', please run it through your gray matter
You always amaze me! I love it you can express your rage and then balance it with such thoughtful gratitude.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so right - no one's life is really perfect, but it's how we perceive it. The problem with people looking at your life from the outside is they only see what they want to see AND in some cases we only show them what we want to show them. Also, chemical sensitivity is invisible, as you know. We don't have ugly scars, discolored bruises, in most cases we don't even sniffle or cough. I doubt if those who are saying your life is perfect are around when you are going into anaphylatic shock. They don't see it, do they? People who accuse others of perfection are usually responding out of jealousy, too.
Unscented Hugs to You!
Hi MC Survivor! Thank you for the encouragement. Yeah, people don't see but they do know when they read what we go through or even watch documentaries or even YouTube. The information is all out there. It's just that many times they either think we are blowing it out of proportion or like you said responding out of jealousy.
DeleteBIG Unscented hugs to you too!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteWhat idiot would say something like that after reading this or knowing what you go through on a daily basis. Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. Fish is very tricky. Sometimes, I can...and sometimes, I can't. I know it gives a lot of people problems after they eat it for a while. I'm so sorry. I am struggling lately too with foods. Back on a failsafe diet and still having asthma and tongue tingling, etc. Hard not to get frustrated. Trying to deal with stress...but I am a single, full-time working mother. Thankfully, I am very spiritual and have God in my life and yoga and good vibes that I keep around me as best as I can. Sending you L.O.V.E!
ReplyDeleteFrom your buddy in New York! xoxo Keep your head HIGH!
Hi Heliotrope! :) I guess people say mean things when they are trapped and bitter about it or just plain jealous. You have the tongue tingling too??!! How about the burning sensation in you mouth, lips and throat and sinus cavities? Do you get that too?
DeleteYou are a very strong person dealing with this being a single mom. Do you go for Yoga classes or do you do it at home?
Thank you for your love all the way from New York!!!!!!!!!!
Big, fat hugs from me,
Evelyn
I get tongue tingling and all over burning throat, mouth, sometimes lungs. That is the sign something is not right with what I am eating or drinking. Happens a lot during allergy season. I have terrible hay fever and live in Staten Island, NY...Largest, toxic garbage dump in the world. I want to move from here as soon as it is possible. I do yoga online. I go to Youtube and do videos through Yogayak...and Yoga Today. Yoga has been such a big help to me. I don't do it nearly enough. I should do it every day...but do it three times a week.
DeleteOh my goodness! I did not know that Staten Island is a place where they dump toxic stuff. Does this mean that there a lot of people who have illness related to chemical sensitivity?
DeleteYes, I hope you get to move from there ASAP too! We have haze here. Years back it was a August to October thing. The Indonesian farmers burn their farms and the smog and everything else gets blown here due to the monsoon wind.
Now it is our own pollution and open burning and haze is an all-year-round event! Asthma and allergies are on the rise. There is a sarcastic joke that smokers can save money during hazy times by just standing outside of buildings and inhale deeply. And that will be as good as smoking!!
oh dear oh dear...i could literally "hear" you whilst reading your blog- it's weird because I have heard your voice for more than 10 years!!
ReplyDeleteHuman tend to see their own problem "bigger" than other people - it's just human "self-pity nature". There is a chinese saying "身在福中不知福" which means "one does not understand happiness even when they are IN the happiness"
I LOVE IT when you wrote " I have xxx problems, but I CHOOSE/REFUSE to....."- that's exactly what we need!! As you say, there is no perfect life - but if we choose to perceive problems positively, it can be "perfect"....likewise for good things!
About the fish- there is a slight chance the fish might have consumed something chemical just before it got caught hence that have caused you the reaction? May be you can have a pond of organic fish at home!!
Keep fighting, brave warrior :-)
I laughed so hard at you 'hearing' my voice tens of thousands of miles away!!!!! HHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yes, when you come back for holidays, I will see you and your hubby for sure!!! Or maybe I could even see you over where you are! Haha... Now that is FAITH! Hmmmm...
DeleteSeafood is well known to have been sprayed with formaldehyde to maintain its freshness. Maybe the formaldehyde that was sprayed at that time was used in larger or stronger dose. I am not sure.
Here is an interesting link :http://www.ifrj.upm.edu.my/18%20(01)%202011/(13)%20IFRJ-2010-073%20Noordiana[1].pdf
Please ignore the crappy English though! Hehe...
Yes, if I could, I would grow vegetables, rear my own animals for meat and have a pond of fish and especially PRAWNS!!!!!!! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! :P
You keep fighting too my beautiful swan!
I've been thinking about your fish all night! I've heard stores will wash fish with bleach too, to make it look good, but everyone swears that practice went out years ago. I don't underestimate money-making schemes. Also, it might have been a fish with extra mercury. I've heard some fish we should stay away from because of higher mercury levels. Try a different type of fish next time and see if it's tolerable. Hopefully, it's not all fish, but just that one or that type. Be sure to rotate all your foods too. Eat them only every four days so your body doesn't overload.
ReplyDeleteYes, I will my fellow soldier! :) I ate another type of fish a few days back and was fine. And I have not eaten fish for a few days now! We'll see again in a few days time.
DeleteI forgot about the formeldehyde and the bleach. Yuck. I try to buy organic whenever possible, but sometimes you just don't know what you are eating. Yes, in a perfect world I would grow all of my own food and raise my own animals! Next life maybe...or if I am blessed...maybe this one in a few years or so. Big hugs from Cyndy xoxo
DeleteBut sometimes I question the genuineness of 'organic'. Business people in general are an unscrupulous lot! I would love to have my own farm!!!! :)
Deletehey there girl!
ReplyDeleteyou are so so PERFECTLY right! anyway, you've learned to just PURR along, cutting through the storms and all kinds of tough situations! so dont get too angry, else you'll raise your stress levels and lower your immunity. to paraphrase jesus: forgive them for they really dont know what they doing or thinking!
No, they do KNOW what they are doing. They are aware. They just couldn't be bothered. Forgive: Yes. Forget: I don't think so. By remembering, it makes us wiser! :)
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