Friday, 6 March 2015

The Happening Placebo Glossary

1. Bowel Anaphylaxis

Diarrhoea to the point you feel that your entrails will be expunged at any minute. It's like an exorcism going on, but it is in the bowels. It's like the devil is having a party and is going to rip out everything from inside you.

2.  Multiple Chemical Survivor

You basically cannot tolerate the scent of anything remotely human as they drown themselves in everything chemical. You're a survivor as you survived the catastrophe of humans-all-chemical.

3. Anal-phylaxis

A disease which chooses to be anal at every wrong point of time. It enjoys being a pain-in-the-ass just like how fleas are to dogs and flies are to cows. It just irritates you to no end and causes you to suffer immensely. It wants to kill you. And transform the angel in you to curse and swear like a sailor.

4. The Walking Dead

Everybody (well, almost everybody) in the the world is awesome as they are like the 'Walking Dead'. Shuffling about sniffing for scents of chemicals. Drooling and warbling like gargling infantiles, the 'Walking Dead' shuffles to the next unsuspecting victim and passes on to them the disease of 'Love Thy Neighbour the Chemical.

5. Allergy

A condition that is basically you reacting adversely to stupid people.

An example of a conversation between Miss A and Miss B.

Miss A: There is no such thing as chemical sensitivity.
Miss B: (Starts to suffocate.) Get away from me!!! I'm severely allergic to you!!!!!!

6. Sensitive

A person who is believed to respond to paranormal influences.

'Paranormal' = Relating to the claimed occurrence of an event or perception without scientific explanation.

Example: You becoming ill upon smelling someone's so-very-faint-fragrance-that-it's-like-not-even-there!
YOU are sensitive. It has never been proven that one can become ill from such non-existent smells!!!


You becoming ill upon smelling something which is not even there at all.


You: (Starts to feel the throat tightening.)
Your friend: Stop being so hypersensitive. I didn't use any perfume today. I only used it last night. Don't tell me you can even smell that from last night. You're being overly-hypersensitive.

8. Hives

Miss X: OMG! I'm breaking out in hives!
Miss Z: Don't be stupid. You can't be breaking out in hives. Hives are the bees' nest.

9. Placebo

You're under the effects of Placebo, an English alternative band. Don't believe me? Click on the link

10. Doctors

People who are supposed to work from 9am to 5pm but in reality work from 10-ish or even 11-ish to 2 or 3, make you exercise your bum on those uncomfortable hospital seats for hours and charge you a leg or an arm for poking and prodding your leg and your arm, and then proceed to hem and haw and then send you for unnecessary tests and then give you sweets medicines which you have never heard about and then send you home once you pay them with your arm and leg!