4 Years

A very big congratulations to myself for having lived to tell the tale of living with Idiopathic Anaphylaxis.

In a blink of an eye, 4 years have passed.

In a blink of an eye, I have travelled through the driest deserts of life, climbed enormous mountains, swam across the continents of the world of faith, bungee jumped off cliffs of obstacles (in order to get a better view of life!) and battled in never-ending battles of life. 

In short, in a blink of an eye I have arrived at a destination called exhaustion. I have never been more exhausted in my body, soul and spirit than today. 

How I long for times where I could just jump into a car without planning and just drive wherever the road leads me to without worrying of the consequences. 

How I long to be able to travel to places afar without worrying about food and the smells that permeate my airspace.

How I long to break out of this cocoon that I am in that keeps me safe from all the perils of life.

How I long to be free.

Free from all the bonds of Idiopathic Anaphylaxis. 

Free from all the bonds that synthetic chemicals and salicylates have bound me with.

I have many times longed to just go to sleep and never wake up. Because even in my sleep, I struggle. I am unable to attain the deep rest that my body and mind craves for so much. Nightmares constantly haunt me.

Damn this pre-menopause that decided to strike so early with all its damnable symptoms!

Damn this insomnia!

Damn this migraine!

Damn you, Idiopathic Anaphylaxis and Salicylate/Chemical Sensitivity!

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They scream,

They taunt,

Haughtiness brim,

'Oh thou look so gaunt.'

They snicker,

They giggle,

They never seem to end the bicker,

'Thy brain is such a muddle.'

When will it ever end?

Will I ever attain the Beckham Bend?

Or will it be forever a dead end;

Even though I press in again and again and again?

I gaze into the starry night,

And cast my burden onto the great, big paper moon,

I prayed with all my might,

That the great, big explosion might be soon.

The sea was severely choppy,

The wind was more than howling,

Even the fishes agree,

That it is useless to be bawling.

So I guess I'll do the boogie,

And say goodbye to Broody,

Reward myself with a cookie,

Bid hello to Life is Wacky!