It's been 11 days since the surgery and my life is far from 'normal'.
1/2 of the days are spent in the toilet. The bowel movements never seem to end. And there is no control over it. Because of the swelling, it is quite hard to differentiate between poop and pressure.
And the poop are so small that even rabbit poop has much more volume. And it takes more than 1 hour to clear the bowels. And that does not leave you satisfied. There is always the feeling that there is still something on the insides.
The battle of the poop leaves one exhausted and petrified of the toilet bowl. And the pain... I think anal surgery is the worst surgery to ever have. Thank god for sitz baths. It makes it easier.
I don't know when this nightmare is going to end. I hope it is soon. I could not sleep a wink for the past two nights because of the pain and swelling. I have now shifted the painkiller to the night.
I can now pass motion in the morning with no painkillers. Bleeding has stopped too. I'm just waiting for my bowel movements to regulate again. I'm waiting to be 'normal' and pain-free. I'm waiting to be diaper-free. I'm waiting to be leakage-free. I'm waiting for the swelling to be gone. I'm waiting to be laxative and pain-killer free.
On the other hand, I'm so grateful that I can take this pain killer. I think I would have thrown in the towel if I couldn't as the pain is just too great. There is no way I can go through this without a painkiller.
Because of this surgery, I've learnt a few new terms from other fellow sufferers. They are:
1. Bowel movements in instalments = You can never finish your business in one go. Whether you like it or not, it takes a few go.
2. Butt spasm = The point where your butt suddenly spasms and causes you sharp pain.
3. Rectum spasm = Your rectum suddenly spasms and all you can do is grab your butt cheeks and wait for it to pass. Try not to pass out when it comes. Sometimes it's gas. Sometimes it's bowel movement. Sometimes it's I-don't-know-why-or-what. Whatever it is, go to the toilet immediately.
4. Diaper rash = 'Burning' or 'knife-like' pain as a result of the area of the wound being damp.
5. Bum buddy = Someone who supports you and helps you in this time of terrible difficulty. Thank you MUM! And dad! And hubby!
6. Leakage = I think that word says it all.
7. Sitz bath - A warm shallow bath that cleanses the perineum. You sit your hips into the bath.
8. The standing poop = It's amazing that one can now stand and poop. Maybe the freak-show programme would incorporate the 'standing poop' routine as their latest act...
I like what one fellow sufferer wrote, 'If you are an atheist or agnostic, prepare to reconsider. If you believe in God, make sure your account is up to date and in good order. However, not even God has the resources to help.'
I can't wait to be the master of the bowels once again.