Saturday, 7 December 2013

So Full Of Shit!

Before I left the hospital for good (the 2nd time round), the doctor (the surgeon who operated on me) told me that there would be swelling, bleeding and pain up till the 2nd week or slightly more. He told me to never stop the laxative. He was worried about me not being able to take NSAIDs as there would definitely be swelling. He even gave me extra painkillers.

It has been a week since I had the surgery. At first it was ok. And then it felt like I took 100 steps backwards. It has been extremely rough. And the pain! No words can describe the intensity of the pain. For me, the pain only comes when I have bowel movements.

And boy, was the surgeon right. I needed those painkillers.

I had my surgery on Friday. Had my first post-op bowel movement the next day. It was all watery and no pain. The meds definitely were still in my system.

Before I had my surgery, I shit everyday, first thing in the morning. I have good bowel movements everyday. After the surgery, it became a two-day thing.

The second bowel movement was after my re-admittance into the hospital. That was explosive and watery. And the pain was minimal.

And then the third bowel movement was @#*@#!

The stools were beginning to take shape. They were soft but felt as though I was shitting out submarines. It took me the whole day of trying to get them out as the pain was so horrendous. Each time they were about to come out, I would shoot up and stand up as the pain was tremendously excruciating. Finally at night, they came out. I had to sit slanted like the leaning tower of Pisa in order for them to come out. I grabbed the shower door. Clenched my fist until my palms had indentation marks from my nails. I grabbed the toilet seat until my hands spasmed. Once everything was out, I immediately washed up and sat in the sitz bath. That helped and soothed a lot. Took my bath and collapsed in bed. There was some mild bleeding. But it stopped soon after.

And then the bowel movements became closer.

The next bowel movement was 1 1/2 days apart.

I almost didn't survived the fourth bowel movement. It felt like shitting out shards of glass. Very little came out and I knew there were still a lot of poop inside as they were pressing against my wound. It felt as though a knife was stabbing my wound.

I tried my best to let everything out but the pain won. Even the  leaning tower of Pisa position couldn't work. And then I started to bleed. Blood was trickling down, dripping everywhere. I soaked in the sitz bath and then showered. Cried in pain and asked my mom to give me a painkiller. I was even farting out blood. But then it stopped and dried up. But I could feel the stool cutting my wound...

Today, I told myself, by hook or by crook, everything had to come out. The stool cutting my wound was getting worse. It came to a point that I bled each time I farted.

I ate my porridge. Took the laxative. And waited.

The moment the bowel movement was almost at its peak, I swallowed a painkiller. Then I got my sitz
bath ready. And once the painkiller kicked in, I sat and shat. It came out like a bullet. And more came out. And my bowel movements could not stop. I had so much stool stuck inside. And then it reached a point that the pain overshot the painkiller's threshold. I was shaking and in such pain until I almost passed out. I had to alternate between the sitz bath and hugging the bathroom wall and standing while bending over with my head on the bathroom wall. Anything I could get my hands on, I will squeeze the hell out of it.  (My surgeon was right! I cannot survive this ordeal without a painkiller.)

I called my mom and asked her to give me another tablet of painkiller. The bowel movements could not stop. I wasn't purging. The stools were soft. But days of not completely emptying my bowels had caused a backlog. And everything was finally coming out.

Of course I bled. But it wasn't as bad as yesterday. Shitting in the sitz bath helped tremendously. After 1 1/2 hours of waves of bowel movements, my bowels were finally empty. It was cleared. Such relief. The stabbing pain on my wound was gone. And I wasn't bleeding anymore. I was so relieved. It felt as though I had experienced a bowel orgasm. Of course I was sore after the ordeal. But it went away after a few hours.

I do hope things will only get better from here. I searched online and learned from people who have gone through the same path to take the painkiller at the right time just before the bowel movement. That will help. IF I had not cleared my bowels today, I would have needed to go to the ER to get an edema. My surgeon said that it takes a month to heal. But from what I read, it takes an average of 6 to 8 weeks. And what I am going through is very normal. (Well, the surgeon did warn me!)

Though my problem wasn't hemorrhoids, the post-surgery process is the same.

You can read more about what people like me go through and how we go through it here:
Hemorrhoid Surgery & Recovery

As of now, my diet is just soft porridge, chicken soup and some very watery oats drink. I drink about 3 to 4L or water a day. I eat my laxatives everyday. I've finished the course of antibiotics. And the painkillers are only for bowel movements. Any other pain, I will bear it.

I'm also wearing adult diapers at the moment. I layer certain parts with the Natracare organic panty shield. I did try wearing the Natracare sanitary pads. But they weren't suitable for this kind of situation. They were too small. At this point I cannot control my bowels. Sometimes a fart can be accompanied by a poop. Or some mucus discharge (which again, the surgeon had warned me). Or some faint bleeding.

When the severe pain came, it triggered the urethral sphincter to spasm. Thus, urinating became a very long process again. It takes me about 1/2 hour to finish one round of pee. And one round of pee is actually peeing everything in the bladder 3 to 4 times. I still cannot pee sitting down unless it is in the sitz bath. 99% of my peeing is done standing with some warm running water flowing down my legs. I wake up at 3am every night to pee. And once I am done peeing, I discovered that I had pooped some small amount while I had farted. And then I had to wash and soak in the sitz bath. By the time I was done and went back to bed, it was 5.30am!! And this has happened twice!

I try to walk and move as much as I can. Movement will cause the wound to heal faster. (Of course not aerobic movements.) I am actually now called the wobbling penguin (given to me by my mum). I cook here and there with help from my parents.

I also apply the Xyloproct ointment on the anus once I am done with the bowel movement (after washing up and soaking in the sitz bath). That helps a lot in soothing the anus.

Hubby was so stressed that he is now having the flu. He has not fallen sick in a VERY long time. And dad is having an eczema outbreak on his legs as he is super stressed too. And mum, well, she feels as though she's had 10 people kick her in her chest.

My neighbour helped us by going to the market for us. And anything that needs to be bought, she'll go get them for us. I really thank God for her.

I am hanging on by just looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is there though I don't know how long it'll take me to reach there. But that time will come.

Gotta go. It's another round of pee! (Thank God I can pee! Definitely not another round of catheter!)


  1. Good god. It's so horrifying it's laughable. "...shitting out submarines..."!!!! What a nightmare! Can you not take more or better laxatives to make it easier?

    Just an observation, only because I know too much, but if you are eating high-gluten porridge and oats everyday, wouldn't that contribute to the difficulty of having a bowel movement? I know it contributes to leaky gut which contributes to all kinds of health issues, including chemical sensitivity. I think fruit is high salicylate, but what about cooked vegetables or fresh green vegetables? Maybe they will make going potty too easy...? Also, all that gluten might wreak havoc on your thyroid so just be aware of what might be coming next....

    1. I am already taking a laxative and stool softener. If I take more i will soon have diarrhoea.

    2. I eat rice porridge. I don't think that has gluten. I also eat lettuce iceberg, cabbage, papayas and bananas.

    3. I'm so sorry! I keep trying to think of things that might help but I think you are doing all you can. I'm hoping you have a speedy recovery!!!

    4. Thanks! I can't wait for my bum to heal!!!!!!!!!

  2. Just an added note: you know how you said you hardly ever eat gluten because you don't eat bread often? Besides oats, gluten is in barley, too.